A glimpse of prejudice

It is hard to not fit in. As junior high as this may be, it still sucks. As you can read in other posts, I have been struggling a lot lately. Most of my struggles, lately, have to do with the church community that I am part of. I am different than most of the people there.

One of the ways that I am different from the rest in my church is that I have some 'postmodern' or 'emergent' tendencies. Although I still value logic, reasoning and truth, I feel like our experience of 'church' is lacking something.--particularly, depth and wholeness in worship and study. I am different in that I feel our church (and the American Church in general) has strayed off the straight path in some ways. I am different in the fact that I am not content to sit in the pew and be fed--I want to see our community become so much more than it is.

Being placed in some leadership positions where my (supposed) job was to speak of these things (particularly in the area of worship) has helped me bring them out in front of others in the church. Also as part of this, I was told to and given the opportunity to dig deeper into some of these issues. The problem is that when I emerged from digging, my ideas had changed and some of our problems started to make sense.

As much as I hoped people would say, "He is really on to something here--that must be why there is no single people under 30 in our church" that isn't what happened. At first I was patronized (in hopes that I would quit rocking the boat). Then I was ignored. Now I am written off as a complainer or a radical (even when I bring up issues that don't affect me)

So many times have I been told that I am valued at Homewood and that we would talk about some of the things that I am thinking and feeling, but with no intention of ever going any further than that. I have said things that were met with a great reception one day but when I said the same thing a year later, I was told to stop being so negative.

I am learning something. I am learning what it is like, in a small way, what it is like to be a minority. I am finding what it is like to not follow the herd (either by choice or by inherent differences). I am learning that it does not matter what I say to people to people who are different from the majority, it matters what my actions are.

Being different has taught me what it is like to be marginalized by the majority (or at least those who make the rules). The thing is, with me, I can be quiet or decide to say something different but someone that is oppressed because of their skin color, disability, age or class can not. This doesn't affect my income or my quality of living, but for someone else it does.

I hope that this gives me a heart to do something about prejudice and help the people that are really oppressed (not just in my petty ways), not just pay lip-service to them.

Ironically, becoming a voice and reaching out in this way will probably make me look like more of a radical to the 'status quo mongers.' Oh well, they are not mine to please.

Mike